Amnesia scenario
by snake screamer
Summary: some in the Figgis agency wonder what would happen if Archer had amnesia when he woke up.


"So any changes?" Ray asked as Lana and Mallory walked, only he and Pam (with Pam in the break room) were in the office at the moment.

"No... though the doctor says that Archer body went from 13 percent detox to 14 today." Lana said

"Well that surprising, considering that it was stuck at 13 for an entire month." Ray said calmly

"Still, I wish he wakup already, I even accept spouting his usual inane trivia... well as long as he made breakfest for us."

"Really you actually enjoy Sterling cooking?" Mallory questioned

"Yeah what's wrong with that?" Lana asked annoyed

"No offense but I think I prefer Cyril cooking." Mallory said

"Cyril? but he follow the cookbook completely, Archer creative when he cooks." Lana argued

"Oh yeah creative, Thats why he created that heart clogger known as Eggs woodhouse. Which I honestly hope he stole from woodhouse since the other option is that he need an English name for said aforementioned heart clogger."

"Alrights lets ask someone else opinion on this." Lana stated

"Yes lets. Ray, who's the better cook, my idiot son or Cyril?" Mallory said

"Eh... Arguably Archer but Cyril doesn't do this weird thing Archer does with his utensil." Ray stated

"Oh you mean the talking to them. Yeah he told me he developed it when he was Bob." Lana said

"Yeah well its creep me out, I swear I saw him one time telling a turkey baster it was a good friend. It's weird." Ray said

"Are you talking about when Archer thought he was Bob?" Pam stated as she enter the room.

"Yeah." Everyone else responded.

"Are you guys talking about the bleaken thing?"

"The what?" Mallory said confused

"A wimpy version of the krampus." Lana stated

"I love that story, it introduced me to my favorite Christmas song," Ray stated as he began humming 'Twinkly Lights'.

"Yeah that a good song... did you notice archer seem nicer in those stories?" Pam asked

"Well yeah he was suffering amnesia and thought he was some guy named Bob." Ray stated

"Funny, he seem mostly the same to me." Lana deadpanned

"That cause when we find him, his brain was jostled slightly back to normal after facing the first wave of KGB agents. I bet if we met him as bob, we would be like, lets leave him like that!" Ray said

"Maybe we might get a second chance." Pam said

"What are you talking about?" Lana questioned

"Well there was this case when a woman went into this coma before she got married an when she woke she had no memory of her fiancee, true story."

"Huh, so what your saying is that if Archer wakes up from his coma but with no memory, we could mold him into something more tolerable," Ray stated

"Actually i was just thinking that he woke up with no memory of Veronica Deane and skip hearing the argument starting again in case he said something positive about his potential killer." Pam said

"... I argue but considering have the people we know tried to kill us in the past..." Lana sighed

"Take comfort that he'll at least consider her the middle of the thousands of people that tried to screw us over." Ray stated

"Now hang on... I see some merit with this idea." Mallory muttered.

"Oh no..." Lana groaned

"I mean can you imagine Sterling with a proper personality. Why I can see it now."

(imagination!)

"Sterling!" Mallory called. Archer (Wearing a butler outfit)

"Yes Mother."

"How was the mission."

"It went well, I took down all enemy combatant, the objective been achieved and we got paid double for what our client been offering, btw as a early birthday gift, I have killed the leak. (He then lifted the corpse of Pam).

"Excellent, now go and kill trudy beakman." Mallory stated

"Yes mother." Archer stated as he left the room.

(Imagination end)

"Why was he wearing a butler outfit?" Ray questioned

"I never said he had a butler outfit, if you imagine him wearing that, that's on you." Mallory stated

"Well then why did you have him kill me off!" Pam snapped annoyed

"Oh please, like no one here never imagine killing cause of you blabbing any secret they gave you."

"... Fair enough, but I still say it's mean," Pam said.

"Also highly impossible, Archer isn't going to wake up with amnesia, even by this group standards thats ridiculous."

"Is it Lana, is it?" Mallory said.

"YES! especially since your fantasy forgot a crucial detail." Lana said. "What if someone got to him first. Like Cheryl."

(Imagination!)

Everyone screaming as Los Angeles burn as almost all of the gang were dress as if they were in madmax.

"This sucks." Ray said

"HEY!" A voice stated as everyone look up to see archer and cheryl doing while on a heap of tranq tigers, bears, gorillas and for some reason mrs archer. "I'm paying you idiots 30 rat burgers to watch this now shut up."

(Imagination end)

"Okay why the devil was mrs archer tranquilized as well?" Ray questioned

"I... never said she was." Lana said confused

"Oh... I'm started to think that crazy cactus cocktail still in my system." Ray stated

"Don't blame it on that. we got advice from kimmy."

"You mean that kangaroo rat that gave you advice Cyril already knows, krieger pretends not to know and told Cheryl to give the people that were there to be in her will just to piss off archer mom."

"Well technically to piss off Tiffy and Cecil as well, plus good life advice for me and Ray, you were pretty spot on." Pam nodded.

"Okay how about we agree that if, if Archer amnesiac, we mostly keep cheryl away, and just get him mostly to normal," Ray proposed.

"Mostly?" Lana asked

"We should make it so that he doesn't make Cyril snaps and want to kill him and possibly later us in our sleep." Ray said

Everyone seem to think about it before admitting that was a good idea.

 _(The cactus thing and the kangaroo rat is from Red Witch latest story Dimwits of the Desert, give it a read not that bad.)_


End file.
